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Great writing, vivid scenarios, and thoughtful commentary ... the stories will linger after the last page is turned. -- Publisher's Weekly, on Captive Dreams

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Thought for the Day

from David Warren:
I had always assumed that mock chicken was an industrial by-product, containing traces of poultry for flavouring, in a crumbly rind probably coloured with orange textile dye. I supposed that live chickens had been harmed somewhere in the manufacturing process, which had included the mocking operation. I guessed the managers at the industrial abattoir hired underemployed professional comedians to mock the chickens, prior to slaughter — doing satirical imitations of the way they walk, try to fly, express enmity towards those who steal their eggs — while taunting them with demeaning imprecations such as, “You’re not a real chicken,” &c — ideally in dactylic hexameters.
It turns out I was wrong. Unless the ingredient list on the package is fake news (I have just retrieved it), our contemporary mock chicken contains miscellaneous “and/or” meats, possibly but not necessarily including winged animals; plus potassium lactate and soy protein; sodium phosphates, erythorbates, diacetates, and nitrates; glucose solids; maltodextrin; “spices”; and of course my favourite, monosodium glutamate. 
-- Mock Chicken

4 comments:

  1. I like the idea of hiring people to mock the chickens.

    ReplyDelete
  2. From his next essay:

    Good fences do not necessarily make good neighbours; but if they’re high enough, you can keep the buggers out.

    But can high enough fences keep your feathered livestock from being mocked? Would anyone even want to prevent that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chicken mocking is illegal in three southern states, and a time-honored tradition in four. There may be some overlap.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...I keep trying to come up with a joke that references the penchant for cockfighting (perhaps ethically questionable but nothing on dogfighting, since abuse is not required to make roosters try to kill each other) in some southern communities (notably Cajuns), and tie it in with the shift of audiences from pro-wrestling to MMA. Alas, it would either require too much explanation or be too obscure to be funny.

      Delete

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